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Jokes Page 4

Blonde who was sick

There was a blonde who was sick and tired of being ridiculed for being blonde, so she decided to fix it by dying her hair brunette.

Well, she was driving along a country road one day when she saw a shepherd with his flock. She decided to see if she could pass as a brunette and if she did indeed get any smarter.

She pulled over to the side of the road and asked the shepherd if she could guess how many sheep he had she could have one.

The shepherd thought this was an unusual request, but he agreed.

The blonde thought about it for a minute and said, "one hundred and fifty."

The shepherd said she was right and that she could pick a sheep to take home.

She did and as she was putting it into the trunk of the car, the shepherd stopped her and said, "If I can guess your real hair colour, can I have my dog back?"

Blow Job

You know you've had a good Blow Job when...

1) You have to pull the sheets out of your ass when she is done.

2) Your dick has the dry heaves for three days afterward.

3) The head of your dick is twice the size of your balls.

4) You swear off sheep for good!
 

A businessman boards a flight

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman.

They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,

"This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"

He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
 

Checking

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mail box. She opened it then slammed it shut, & stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of the house again went to the mail box and opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her "Is something wrong?" To which she replied,

"There certainly is---My computer keeps giving me a message saying........ "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
 

Chicago
 

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him,

"Charlie, what are you doing?"

Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.

The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you doing?"

Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago".

"Great," replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks,

"Bob, what are you doing?!"

Bob says, "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"