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Jokes Page 26

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' fools. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.

Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder.

"Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness.
Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits down in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?".

The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".
 

Two men were riding a motorcycle on a windy winter day.

When it became too breezy for one man, he put his jacket on backwards to keep the wind from blowing it open.

A few miles down the road, the motorcycle hit a tree, killing the driver and stunning the man with the backwards coat.

Later, when the coroner visited the scene, he asked a rookie policeman standing nearby: "What happened?"

"Well, the officer replied, "one of them was dead when I got here, and by the time I got the head of the other one straightened around, he was dead, too."
 

Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were called to a park in London to investigate a crime involving an unusual tree. The ABC Tree, as it was called, had the unique ability to actually grow all the letters of the alphabet. Shockingly, however, it seemed that someone had plucked most of the letters from the tree.

Watson approached the tree and examined it closely.

"My goodness, Holmes!" he exclaimed. "It appears that some ne'er-do-well has stolen all but the twelfth, thirteenth, and fourteenth letters of the alphabet. What do you think of that?"

Holmes sucked at his pipe contemplatively for a moment before answering,

"Why, it's an LMN Tree, my dear Watson."
 

Grandfather

A young girl sees her grandfather in the shower and asks him,

"What are those between your legs?"

"Those are the apples of the tree of life," he tells her, by way of poetic concealment.

Impressed, the girl then tells this to her grandmother, who replies,

"Did he mention anything about that dead branch they're hanging from?"