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Jokes Page 21

How To Tell if You're a Geek

1, You tend to save power cords from broken appliances.

2, You once took the back off your TV just to see what's inside.

3, A teacher even wrote, "I don't fully understand it, but it looks like an 'A'" on your paper.

4. You've used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.

5, You rotate your screen savers more often than your automobile tires.

6, Your I.Q. is a higher number than your weight.

7, Your toddler asks why the sky is blue, and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.

8, You ran the sound system at your senior prom.

9, Your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone.

10, You can type seventy words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.

11, You know what "http" stands for.

12, You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.

13, Your web site shows a picture of you sitting in front of your computer, mouse in one hand, and mobile in the other.

14, You still own a slide rule, and you know how to work it.

15, You can name six "Star Trek" episodes.

16, You have a functioning home copier/scanner/fax machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.

17, You have a habit of destroying things to see how they work.

18, People groan at the party when you pick out the music.

19, You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

20, You thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers.

21, You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.

22, You spend half a plane trip with your laptop on your lap... and your kid in the overhead compartment.

23,You've tried to repair a £5 radio

24, Your laptop computer costs more than your car.

25, Your four basic food groups are caffeine, fat, sugar, and chocolate.

Film crew

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain."

The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm."

The next day there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather for the remaining of the shoot. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said."My radio is broken."
 

Bible Story

A father often read Bible stories to his young children, One day he read,

"The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."

His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"
 

A man walked into a bar

A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender's face.

Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping. "I'm really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is to have a
compulsion like this."

Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see a psychoanalyst about his problem. "I happen to have the name of a
psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he's as good as they come."

The man wrote down the name of the doctor, thanked the bartender, and left.

The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a fellow human being.

Six months later, the man was back. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving the glass of white wine.

"I certainly did," the man said. I've been seeing the psychoanalyst twice a week." He took a sip of the wine. He then threw the remainder into the bartender's face.

The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. "The doctor doesn't seem to be doing you any good," he spluttered.

"On the contrary," the man replied. "He's done me a world of good."

"But you just threw the wine in my face again!" the bartender exclaimed.

"Yes," the man said. "But it doesn't embarrass me anymore!"
 

A man was sued by a woman…

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character.

She charged that he had called her a pig.

The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"

The judge said that was true.

"Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked.

The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.

The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."