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Jokes Page 18

Two drunks

Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says,

" I sure wish I could do that!"

The other one looks at him and says,

"Well, I think I'd pet him first".

Two guys are talking over a beer

Two guys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first guy says his favourite position is the "rodeo."

The other guy asks what the position is, and how to do it?

The first guy says, "You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then do it doggy style. Once things start to get underway and she's really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear "Your sister loves this position too"..... Then try to hang on for 8 seconds."

Two Dubliners

Two Dubliners walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem". The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them.

"Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage op dere," says Gerry, "Put dem in a peeper bag." The clerk does and the two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop.They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop.

"Dis looks loike a grand place, eh?" says Gerry."Oh, yeh, dis looks good," replies Paddy.They flip a coin and Gerry wins the toss. "I guess I git to go first, eh Paddy?" says Gerry.He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a 'SPLAT'. As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says, "Fock dat, dis budgie jumpin' is too fockin' dangerous for me"

====== PART TWO ======

A minute later, Seamus arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag'. He pulls a parrot out of the bag, and then Paddy notices that, in his other hand, Seamus is carrying a gun.

"Hi, Paddy. Watch this," Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet until there is a SPLAT!, as he joins Gerry's remains at the bottom. Paddy shakes his head and says, "An' oim never troyin' dat parrot shooting nider"

======- PART THREE =======

A few minutes after Seamus splats himself Sean strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag'. Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches himself of the cliff with the usual result.

Once more Paddy shakes his head - "Fock me Sean, first der was Gerry wit his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrot shooting and now you blimmin' hen gliding"

A couple had two little boys

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

Wanker's Cramp

A man walks into a drug store and calls the pharmacist over and asks him if he has any pills that can keep him hard all night since he had three girls coming over for the night. The pharmacist gave the man a jar of pills and told him to take two every three hours and he would stay hard all night. The man went home and took the whole box of 30 pills together.

The next day the man returned to the drug store and called the pharmacist over again. The man showed the pharmacist his penis which was black and blue and covered with a rash. The man asked the pharmacist for some rub A5-35, but the pharmacist told the man he was crazy to put rub A5-35 on his penis.

The man replied that it wasn't for his penis, but his shoulder, since the girls did not show up.